Some days, parenting is a breeze. My two-year-old son is in a great mood, eating whatever I put in front of him, not destroying everything in his path, and actually listening when I tell him to do (or not do) something.
Those days come around about once a year.
On the other 364 days, however, I have a normal two-year-old. Drinks get spilled, toys get broken, and tantrums are thrown over incredibly minor things.
Whenever I’m having a particularly hard time surviving Hurricane Jayden, I sometimes refer to him as “the tiny terrorist” when talking to other adults about my day (god forbid he ever catches and repeats that one!).
Here’s why toddlers are actually tiny terrorists:
1. Negotiating with them is a bad idea.
You’re the parent. They’re the child. I’m not saying you should ignore their feelings, or that they aren’t entitled to their own pint-sized opinion. But either what you say goes, or they’ll walk all over you. Rules, especially the ones that keep them safe, should always be non-negotiable.
2. When you disagree with them, they start destroying stuff.
Hell hath no fury like a two-year-old told “no.” What do you mean, I can’t put the slobbery, chewed up dog toy in my mouth, mommy? Fine, I’ll just throw it at something valuable then.
3. You never know when they’re going to attack.
Remember the mood swings you had when you were pregnant? Those are nothing compared to the mood swings of a cranky toddler who decided it would be a good idea to skip his afternoon nap. Even the well-rested ones are wildly unpredictable, let’s be honest.
4. They make terrible flying companions.
Alright, I know not everyone appreciates my humor. If you’re the easily offended type, you might as well leave now. But seriously, have you ever flown with a two-year-old? Total chaos. If confined to their seat, they’ll scream, but if you let them down, they’ll be running down the aisles and stealing strangers’ snacks in no time.
Maybe if you’re lucky, they’ll snag you an airplane bottle of vodka from the flight attendant’s cart.